The One Thing I know

"The one thing I know is that God is good.
That his heart bleeds every time a human’s heart does.
Our pain is his pain, all of it, all of it.
And that he is gentle, and steadfast, and will not waste one drop of our suffering."

from
http://chubbicsblog.wordpress.com/2013/11/02/the-one-thing-i-know/

Preview Pictures of Kid's R2D2 and Luke Skywalker costumes

They were fleeing in both directions while I tried to hold them still by the scruff of their necks for the picture.
I'll get better pictures tomorrow.

Link to the Princess Leia Ceremonial Dress I made

Isaiah had a great time. He refused to sit in the stroller and wouldn't let go of his (pool tube) lightsaber, as he knocked on stranger's doors and was rewarded with smiles and candy. 
I think he has a very happy view of the world right now.
Jenny was more suspicious, not smiling, staring at the strange people. However, she was very interested in what was in her bucket, and scarfted down an entire fun size snicker bar by stuffing it into her mouth like a boa constricter.

Isaiah's response when told to "smile"

More Elven Cloaks: Tips and Tutorial How to Sew a Lord of the Rings Half Circle Cloak.

I'm in the middle of a mad sewing dash, trying to finish outfits for Halloween.


AND I SEWED 2 ELVEN CLOAKS!

I love how the hood turned out. This one was unlined, but the fabric was thick enough that it worked really well.

I had promised my twin to make cloaks for her and her roomate for a Halloween party. I thought, half-circle cloak?  I got this totally figured out.
Heh.
I learned a lot, I think I've perfected my cloak making technique now.
First, I used the Medieval piecing technique to get the half-circle cloak long enough.

From a Bog Man http://www.personal.utulsa.edu/~marc-carlson/cloth/bockclok.html

 Last time, I had used 55" wool, and cut that into a half-circle with a radius 55". But I had not accounted for the neck hole (radius 8"), and thus ended up with a cloak only 47" neck to shoulder (after hemming, perhaps 46"). It showed off my awesome boots (too large hand-me-down snow boots with twill tape wrapped around to keep them from flopping. Looks kinda like the boots in Skyrim), but was a bit shorter had wanted.

Last time (no piecing) cloak ended up shorter than I wanted, approx 46-47" from shoulder to edge

So this time, when making cloaks for my twin and her friend, I was determined to use the piecing technique.

See how the "pattern" is wider than the width of the fabric. So you piece in the back edge. (I just haphazardly drew my pieces, depending on how big your semicircle is, you can find the best arrangement for the pieces. You could do it with one piece or as many as you need.

It worked really well. I made my twin's cloak, cutting it with a initial radius of 62-63" (using piecing to fill up the edge on the bottom, like the Medieval example above), with the 8" radius cut out of the top for the neck, I ended up with a shoulder to edge length of 54-55". At my 5'4" height, this brushed the ground. I ended up cutting 3" or so off the bottom and getting a nice length of 51"-52".

What I ended up with, perfect for a 5' 4" person

I thought it ended in just the right spot.

For the closure, I used 2 metal rings we had made from a hanger (instructions here,[ insert link]), and brown cotton canvas I sewed 2 layers together, then flipped inside out and ironed to make an "applique". I then handsewed this to the cloak, and sewed the rings onto it. Its then an adjustable opening, with a leather strap. I did a little quick leave embroidery on them.

And here's a few more glam shots of it.

Ignore my silly expression. Note the beautiful drape of the cloak.

I LOVED the drape of this fabric. It looks like linen, although its actually 100% cotton. It's medium-heavy weight is matched with a loose enough weave, that it drapes really well (unlike canvas, whose tight weave keeps even its heavy weight draping stiffly). I dyed it to its current elvish color myself, with dark green RIT dye, and extremely hot water and salt.

Sadly, I didn't get the best pictures of this. I was up till 11:30 last night finishing the Princess Leia dress, and then spent all morning/early afternoon sewing up these cloaks. Then I had 2 minutes to snap pictures, and then we rushed to the post office to mail them before they closed. Hence I didn't get to show off the drape as well as I wish. Just trust me, it looks awesome.

For the neck-hood attachment, I knew I needed at least a few pleats in the cloak, so it wouldn't pull so hard on my shoulders like my wool one did. I put 2 pleats in on each side, approx 5" from the neck opening, and then another 1" away from that. Each pleat was about 1/2" thick, "eating up" about 1" each. See diagram.

It worked really well, just enough ease in the shoulders that it didn't pull funny, and yet not so fitted (like a bag) that you lose the cool sweep of the half-circle drape from the shoulders.

CLOAK #2
This one, I had some adventures. First off, I didn't have enough cloak fabric for 2 cloaks, so I went to walmart, where the only thing I could find that could possibly work, was a beautiful deep forest green fabric that was sadly, rather light-weight (quilting cotton weight) but was 100% cotton, claimed to be 44/45" wide, and had this beautiful soft feel to it. I bought 4 yards, and washed it on hot and dried it in the dryer to shrink it.

Hah.

It turned into the crinkliest stiffest stuff ever. I washed it 2 more times, trying no soap, air dry, and more dryer dry. It remained stubbornly stiff. Which is what you want for a vintage sundress, but not what you want for an elven cloak.  (the drape is all about the loosness/tightness of the weave ratio to the weight of the fabric.)
Well,  I knew with multiple washings/wearings it would soften over time. Theoretically. Praying. But the color was gorgeous and we didn't have time to go back to the store.
Then I measured it. It had somehow shrunk (?!?) to 38.5" from its vaunted 44/45".
I had a brief freak out.
I tried to cut creatively, to piece, etc, but there just wasn't enough fabric in the 4 yds.
In the end I ended up with a cloak 47.5" from shoulder to hem, just a smidge longer than my wool cloak. I was sad. But it still works, and shows off your boots. I think Faramir's cloak hit him about there too.
So that was the sad part.


The good part, was I spent a lot of time trying to make it look beautiful. I sewed on a strip of brown fabric to the inside edge of the front, and really liked how it made the forest green pop. I then bag lined the inside of the hood with brown, and it really really looks good. (If I say so myself)

You see the facing strips down the front. And how awesome the hood looks. Ignore the weird faces, I was tired.
Strangely enough, it seems it did come down a lot longer than I thought it would. Interesting.

I really like how it looks when the hood is down, how it falls and the brown peaking out.

How the hood looks down with the cloak thrown back. Ignore the face.

I went a little crazy with the applique. 2 layers of brown broadcloth, cut and sewn in the shape of a leaf, flipped inside out to hide the seams, hand embroidered.
Also to make up for the cloaks other problems, I used a fancy clasp that adds instant class. I tried to mirror the leaf theme with the applique.
I think it worked :)

I was quite pleased with how my embroidery turned out. And how the clasps mirrored the effect.

When I was done, I noticed it didn't seem as short as my wool cloak. Perhaps I used a lot more in the hem of the wool cloak, making it shorter. With this cloak I used very narrow hems.
Anyways, at the end of the day, I think it looks pretty awesome :)

Things I learned:

1. French seams are awesome, don't do the half-job of just felling it, taking the time to trim and iron in order to enclose the raw edge is totally worth it (especially for many washings...)
2. Stabilize the front opening. Fold over/hem the front opening twice, or better yet, sew a facing onto it (that folds under, enclosing all raw edges and sewn down on the inside) to stabilize the drape of the front opening.
3. Bag Line the hood. It looks really good. Especially if you do it in brown.
4. When Sewing the hood to the cloak, sew it with a facing strip, then fold down the facing strip over the raw edges, enclosing everything nicely before sewing it down. No scratchy raw edges at the neck!
5. For a 5'4" person, a shoulder to hem length of 51-52 is nice.
6. Keeping circular hems as narrow as possible and try not to stretch as you are hemming, it keeps it from going all rumply.
7. Don't trust the bolt when it says 44/45", bring your measuring tape and measure it. And if you do get 45" wide, buy at least 4.5 yards.
8. You never know what a cotton's drape/weave/softness will really be until its shrunk and washed
9. Avoid quilting cotton weight for cloaks in the first place

Sneak Peak~~~~
update: here's pictures of the finished dress
I finished a (gorgeous) rendition of Princess Leia's Ceremonial Dress for my sister in law. I improved the bodice and sleeves from the original design, in my humble opinion.
I actually inserted in invisible zipper, drafted double French darts and (drumroll) SEWED WITH CHIFFON!!!
It was a series of firsts for me, and it turned out absolutely beautiful. Photoshoot and construction
details coming soon.

It looks like these, only much better :)

And to me, it looks kinda like Arwen's angel dress.

I also sewed Isaiah up a little Luke Skywalker outfit. I haven't finished the outfit yet, more on that too...
And still am working on Jenny's R2D2 dress for tomorrow.... ahhhhh too much sewing.....

Is Virtue Found in the Middle? Rambling thoughts...

"virtue is found in the middle.
Courage is the virtue between recklessness and cowardice. Hope is the virtue between presumption and despair. Humility is the virtue between vanity and self-deprecation."

I don't think so. I think it appears that way, because we are seeing a 3-dimensional thing with 2 dimensional eyes, so it appears #3 is sitting between 1 and 2, when really, its a triangle, and 1 and 2 are only a few feet apart, while 3 is actually a mile away from them. (does that make sense?)

At least, all my life, I struggled with what humility was. Like you said, it seemed this delicate balance between self-deprecation and vanity. There was something so...creepy/sad/irritating about self deprecation. And I wondered how you balanced it just right etc etc, until something CS Lewis said really hit home to me. Both Self-Deprecation and Vanity are focussing on self, whether to extol or harangue. But both are looking at yourself.
And as a teen, an older girl told me "Humility is truth, it is seeing yourself as you really are". And suddenly it made sense. Humility isn't this balance between the self-haters and the self-lovers, figuring out the right balance of censure and praise to give yourself.
Humility is knowing yourself as you really are---and fixing your eyes on God. Humility is its not about you. You don't look at yourself, to revel in loathing or pride. You're too busy looking at God.

Same with Hope. I don't think hope is in between presumption and despair. Both Presumption and Despair are God-not-being-in-the-picture. Despair, obviously. (I mean, w/o God, looking at the horrors in this world, it does make sense to end it all, like that creepy-planet-euthenasia thing in the end of Season 4 of Doctor Who) But presumption also is not looking at God. The faith in ourselves, in cheerfulness, etc to make things right. That's presumption.
But Hope is looking at God. With him, we see, yes the world really really really sucks and evil is more horrific than we imagined, and yes, our frail attempts at fixing it can't do much--but there's HIM. And we can not presume too much good/hope about God. He does "more than we can ask or think". He's God.

So virtue, isn't in the middle. Often both "poles" or "sins" are actually, at teh root, the same (self-deprecation and vanity = focussing on self; despair and presumption=not putting God into the picture) and virtue, at its root, is looking to God. Fixing our eyes on Him, expecting, waiting, worshipping, seeing Him for who He really is. "Christ, our Hope" and all that.
Virtue does not fall between 2 vices, but rather, its on a whole new dimension.

Why this is the most Romantic Picture in the World

Because...he's looking, eyes open, at the light. She's struggling with faith that the light will ever come, and he's not telling her that he will be her light and salvation and saying he loves her will make everything dandy.
No.
Instead, he insists that the light will come. Or, as the movie puts it "...I do not believe this darkness will endure"....
He has a sureness.
And he looks out toward the light, reminding her, the light will come.

How to Maximize Lord of the Rings Authenticity (awesomeness) on a Shoestring Budget

(shall be updated with pictures, examples, and links)

First off, I am talking a real budget here. Not "under $100" kind of "budget". We are talking, a highschooler whose minimum-wage-job-money goes mostly to non-recreational things kind of budget, or a unemployed with $2000 in the bank kind of budget, or a living off a grad-school stipend with 3 kids kind of budget...  basically a real budget. It's exciting :)

1. See it as a challenge, an adventure!   Don't just drool over beautiful re-creations that cost $300-$800 for materials alone (or this one...) and resign yourself to tackiness. I wish I could go to the fabric store and buy silk, but I'll go to the store and buy poly satin on sale instead...
That does not have to be the case. Because in some ways, you are being more authentic. When you have to hunt down scraps of leather at a thrift store (in the shape of coats, weird pants, etc) and then painstakingly piece the pieces, you are being more like the real Medievals (and hence, Middle-Earthites) to whom all fabric was handwoven (and thus, precious), all leather had to be skinned and tanned, metal things had to be hand-hammered and hand-crafted. Beauty cost effort.They had to work to make things.
Medievals used fabric saving techniques (gore insertion, leaves virtually no waste. Eowyn's Refugee coat cut the modern [fabric wasting] way can use up to 8 yds, while cut the medieval way can get the same look for 4 yds).
Example: When I was making my husband's Faramir Hauberk,we were on a very tight (nonexistent) budget. I needed largish metal rings for the side lacing. The best I could find was on the internet for $9, which my unemployed husband said no. So I sulked for a day. And then, inspiration. Together we took old metal hangers, bent them in a spiral around a fat marker (use a dowel, the marker shattered), and clipped them apart with tinsnips. My husband then, using pliers, got the ends lined up with eachother. We had forged our own metal rings, perhaps the way Faramir's Hauberk makers had. It was extremely satisfying.

2. Just because its going to be technically cheap doesn't mean it has to look cheap. Cheap looking costumes often look like they were slapped together, without real effort.
But you are putting effort and ingenuity into it, so it's not going to look cheap.  (note: avoid poly satin. Thrifted sheets/curtains can actually look pretty awesome, and cost less than poly satin) I have seen techinically expensive costumes (using real wool, real silk, etc) that looked cheap and costumey due to poor construction or design. You need to keep your eyes open for these pitfalls, which brings us to no. 3

3. Learn from other re-creators outfits, especially the silly looking ones.RESEARCH. When you want to make something, google "sewed Eowyn white wool dress" etc for fan made pictures (you can find the correct fan name for each dress on http://www.alleycatscratch.com/lotr/
Look at as many pictures as you can. Don't just study what the successful ones did. Study what the (in your mind) unsuccessful (tacky, silly, cheap looking) ones did. You are learning from their mistakes, so you won't do what they did.
Examples here (sorry about the lack of photo-credit. I saved them from the internet for private study ages ago. But as I am holding them up as what not to do, I don't know if I should link even if I could...)
Arwen's Blood Red Dress (sleeves too short. Sleeves that look ridiculous bc they are accurate...in movie she always has arms positioned just so)
Faramir's Hauberk (too pointy and long, etc)
Note for women: Not all of us are built the same. Some designs need to be altered to flatter different figure types. You often will see this problem in fan made costumes that stick to original construction, at the cost of being less flattering. e.g. The actress for Eowyn has a very slender, athletic build with a long waist (like my sisters) which looks really good with the dropped visual waistline of the Shieldmaiden dress. On my more curvy short-waisted figure, it looks silly. I loved the Shieldmaided dress though, so I simply raised the visual waistline (the trim at the bottom of the corset) by a couple inches. 
Also, Eowyn's slender build works very well for her 2-piece bodice with shaping only in the side seams, that makes up most of her dresses. When curvier women try to wear a 2 piece bodice with shaping only in the side seams, a very unflattering wrinkle develops across the chest. We simply need more room there. I need to modify it with severe levels of darts, or simply use a (shoulder) princess-seamed pattern instead.

4. Learn from other re-creators outfits, which elements are most important to you. The outfits that look "That's awesome" break it down why. Compare to the original, and break it down element by element. They almost always are not exactly the same as the movie's. But they preserve certain elements that you hadn't put a finger on before, but that really 'made' the outfit for you. Write down those elements.
Example: For me, Arwen's Blood Red dress. Boatneck. Red and Gold emphasized (not silvery gold). Blue hints in the blue-backness. Sleeves just a tad shorter than the movie

5. Prioritize (in a list) what's most important to you vs what's less so. After all that research, make a sketch of what you want, what you want to do with it. Differentiate which elements are most important to you, and which things you would just like to have. That way, you can maximize your efforts. One thing that helps with this process, is deciding what you are going to do with it.
Example: for my husband's Faramir outfit, I decided having something that was more practical (e.g. that he could run through the woods and camp in, something Faramir really would have used) mattered more to me than having it look exactly like the movie prop. Thus if I had the choice between some plain short leather boots, and crafting together some very convincing knee-high boots with lacing using hot-glue, deerskin, and sneakers, I would opt for the short boots. Someone going to a convention, who wanted to look like they stepped off the set might opt for the latter. Infact, someone filming a medieval movie would probably opt for the latter. As long as it looks convincing on screen, that is what matters. 
However (until I make that medieval movie...) I'd rather have something he can actually slosh through mud like Faramir in.
It's all about figuring out what's important to you.

6. Make a mock-up if you can. I hate making mock-ups, because it wastes fabric. "Use old sheets*" people say. . Well, I was going to use that sheet for my dress!
But I have found, mockups are worth it. They do end up saving money. And I, who hate 'wasting' any kind of fabric, and who is always looking for a shortcut, finally admit its true. So do it.
*(2-5 bucks for flat sheets at thrift stores, a Queen size flat sheet is equivalent to at least 4 yds of 45" muslin. Don't buy the fitted sheets, they are usually more worn out as people actually sleep on that part. And if you are creeped out by using people's old bedding, you can always pray over it :) I do...)
Tips for speeding up mockups: you don't really have to do the skirt, usually all the fitting issues are on the bodice. Find some hideous poly-cotton 70s sheet and you can get a ton of bodice mockups out if it, and not feel guilty hacking it up.
Alternative to mockups: If you really don't want to waste materials on a mockup (like with Faramir's Hauberk) do a version 1.0 version. That will be your best effort with really cheap/free materials first. It will stand in its own right, perhaps be altered at the end to be, say, one of Faramir's Ranger's and not Faramir's. Or perhaps you will gift it to a little sibling later. But don't think of it as a waste, its a 1.0 version. This is what I did with Josh's Hauberk. I used a (free) shiny reddish brown leather (hideous) 70's jacket with very thin leather. (it actually turned out better than I thought). I found out how to hand-sew leather, what works, what doesn't (insert link). I found the thinnest leather can be reinforced with layers of canvas to hang better. I learned a lot. (insert link).

Now that I've made all my mistakes on it, I know what to do when i actually buy thick leather to make version 2.0
Tip: For guys's Hauberks, even pinning the canvas you are going to use (inside out) onto the guy, and drawing the dark inset on it with marker will tell you how the lines will look. Then, not to waste your canvas, you can flip it around, and sew the 2nd layer of canvas to it, and no one will see the inky lines. (tip: don't use permanent marker, it bleeds alot. And don't use dollar store 'skrples' from China. They smell very very strange...)

7. Embroidery.
It's cheap ($0.30 a skein at Walmart), it can be quite fun, and it lends an aura of authenticity and beauty that the most expensive trims can't match.
It even made this cut-from-an-old-T-shirt tunic on my baby look awesome...

8. Save up for those things that are really important to you (that you really can't make).
For me: a decent sword.
Someday I hope to build a forge in my backyard, others have done it for under $100, if you do it right. But first I need a backyard.... :)
Note: Making your own bow and arrows from (sticks, string, metal cans, tins snips, pliers and a pocket knife) that shoot through pizza boxes, aim to 100 ft, and look awesome, are totally doable. You can also get really nice knives (good for cutting wood, meat, etc) from Walmart for under $20. Good Christmas present idea....

9. Have fun :) Making things is about creating something.
Where would the fun be, in having an unlimited budget to simply order the best materials without batting an eyelash, and hire a seamstress to sew an exact replica which you would then wear for a photo-shoot, then send to the dry-cleaners, and hang it in your bulging wardrobe with 50 gowns?
Challenge makes it fun. Creating beautiful things takes effort. See it as learning a craft :)

My dress (actually a mock up) $6; Kid's outfits $1 worth of embroidery floss on old T shirts. Josh's Hauberk: $4 not counting paint (I have an almost full bottle) (alas, I didnt lace it tight enough, so the thinness of the leather is on display...) Josh's Cloak: $6.  Total Cost of everyone's outfits: $17

The Worst Thing

I think one of the worst things is to not recognize the worst things, going on in your time. Because, by virtue of it being everywhere, you are inured to it. Like the Holocaust in Nazi Germany, like Slavery in the (Christian) American South. Like infanticide in most of the pre-Christian cultures of the earth. And we say, "If I had been in the South when preachers defended slavery.....If I had been in Germany when Hitler was running for office....If I had been a Roman woman ordered to expose her infant...."

But it's hardest to see one's own culture's blindspot. The particular segment of people that your culture has decided to dehumanize, (Jews, Africans, newborns...)

This is ours.

And we can't just say its the way the world works. Anymore then the Southern Christians could say that slavery was just the way the world was. Or the Germans say that Jews just were going to be gassed and that's that, and it's better ignore this, so we can focus on bigger issues, like economic justice and making sure there's a chicken in every pot. (Not that we shouldn't care about poverty, education gaps, etc. But we need to get our priorities straight)

These people...should not get married.

...because....because

c'mon.

 They. Just. Can't.

Lost without Cause

Now therefore, what do I have here,” declares the Lord, “seeing that My people have been taken away without cause?” 

Taken away, 
the children lost, 
for no reason. 
While we worried for them

We, harried and half asleep,
nod to the ones who creep
to nobly trash their souls
Never looked into the faces
Too busy on our phones

Truth as cheap as trash
Drowned in the blur 
of Newspaper Headings and small talk,
(World is going on as before)
Same old same old...

Fields won by battle,
surrendered without a word,
travelling in a muddle
We muddle down the road 

The Lord declares, “Those who rule over them howl, and My name is continually blasphemed all day long.
Therefore My people shall know My name;

When we sit among the ashes
wondering what went wrong
Surrounded by the bodies 
Staring at our hands

When at last the worst has happened
We have nothing more to lose
Knowing we lost our Treasure
---Sold it for a song 

When the captors inflict their jeers
We hear our lies in blackness
--Our eyes gouged out by spears---
Our own lies soft and fair
Will finally appear,
as they are...
 
Therefore in that day I am the one who is speaking, ‘Here I am.’”

The Scorn That Withers as the Fire

The lies come thick and fast
The scorn the withers as a fire
And petty groups display their cards
(showing they are the ones)
Wise, accepted, educated, respected
Laugh the crazies, the sufferrers, the mad ones
Blind and beaten by injustice, pierced with shards of hate

But the Final Time comes, the real fire comes
Burns away our creds like dross
Every deed lies bare, stripped of its skin
Motives bare as bones, every thought spoken
What then?
And in that inferno of our failure
What stands?
but you and I
Our souls inflammable, unbreakable
Naked and alone.

The only covering,
An edge of a cloth
--pulled from the hem of a robe---
Red with blood and White as Fire

Thanks be to God

Thanks be to God for the little things
the sunrise after dark night
the laughter of a baby
the stars wheeling through the sky
Telling us the world is not ended
God still reigns
And despite our darkness, the Light comes

On Modesty Wars and Shirtless Guys

So there was this hullabaloo on the internet circles that I frequent, with a mother of a bunch of boys writing (somewhat in a huff) to teenage girls about why they should be more modest. And then this led to a firestorm of accusations of hypocrisy, because she illustrated the post with family beach pictures, which had her sons shirtless.
And the modesty wars went full force etc etc.

So. That being said, I was thinking about this. And I was reflecting on my perceptions on modesty and shirtless guys and all that as a teenage (and college age) single girl.

First off, everyone is different. But I suspect, on average, guys are much more vulnerable to girls showing more skin then on average, girls are to guys showing more skin. Ofcourse there are lots of people who don't fall into the stereotype I just made (girls who struggle with visuals, guys to whom its no big deal). But if there were bellcurves on this, I suspect the center of the guys' bellcurve would be a lot more shifted to the "tempted by visuals" then the center of the girl's bell curve.

Going by my extremely empirical and scientific method of myself, and based on TV advertising, and TV shows made for a target audience, it seems that on average, girls respond more to other things (guy cuddling puppies, big dark eyes, adoring you, "I understand", etc...).

Now, there are the averages. (Why I think the mom probably didn't think of it) But real people make up the tails on the bell curves. And the struggles of the under-represented still matter (Why the mom should have thought of it.)

So then I reflected on how did I, as a single girl between the ages of 13-21, feel about guys not wearing their shirts in public?**

I always felt kind of this awkward and painful jolt of involuntary pity, like they were trying really really hard to prove something. And it just hurt.
It had nothing to do if they were ripped or not. It had everything to do with this feeling of desperation to impress that reeked of painful insecurity.*  Because, I mean, would Aragorn son of Arathorn, or Luke Skywalker, or Steve Rogers ever take off his shirt near girls, so he could show off his muscles?

So, yeah.

Anyways, while I think I can see both sides of this debate, the one side afraid that Christians will fall off the string-bikini-trashy-dressing in an attempt to be culturally relevant or cute, or just plain be the frog that boiled to death. The other side sees Christians falling off the other side of the horse, with burkha's and a blame-the-woman mentality leading to blaming rape victims etc.

Both sides have certain things right. Modesty wars are never just about one gender. We have a duty not to lead others into sin, but we also have a duty not to be led into sin.

I think the biggest danger in the Modesty Wars, is to let the fear that the one duty will be minimized, allow us to minimize the duty we think less important.

That is, by insisting girls should be modest, we can implicitly send the message that guys can't help themselves, and that immodest girls are open range (an attitude one sees in many Muslim countries).

Or, by insisting that guys should be responsible for controlling themselves and their thoughts, that girls should be allowed to wear whatever the heck they want. Freedom in Christ and all that.

But we musn't minimize either. We must maximize both duties, not to lead and not be led, into sin.

As women, we musn't let our desires to be pretty or true to our own sense of style, or fit in with other girls, supersede compassion for the weaker brother who is struggling. Or say that if he has issues with my style, its his problem. Because it's just not kind. On the one hand, it's me-me-me and the other, it's someone else.

As women raising sons in this screwed up world, we must teach them that they stand accountable to God for their thoughts and actions, and they must see a daughter of God in every girl, no matter how she's dressed or what she does. Yes, they've got hormones, and God wired certain things in us to ensure the propagation of the human race, but they are called to something higher than animal instincts, to valor, and courage, and kindness, and seeing people with God's eyes.

The biggest fear I have for the Modesty Wars, is that in seeking to attack hypocrisy or legalism, we will minimize our own sins (of lust, or of selfish immodesty). Minimizing sin is the root of so much screwed-up-ness in the world. We have to name it for what it is, if we are to be healed from it.

So, in the thick of these Modesty Wars, let us never forget that we are called to emphasize both duties, the duty to not lead others into sin, and the duty not to be led into sin. And may we never seek to minimize our sin by blaming it on the other sex, or someone else.

That was, after all, the first sin after the fall.


********
*I'm not even counting the guys that were showing off without insecurity....like they spent hours working on, tanning, and adoring their own muscles...Narcissistic..  So. Not. Attractive. Echo died)

**I realized, the only time as a teenager that the act of a man taking off his shirt in public impressed me, was when I had a head concussion and was bleeding heavily, and this pot-bellied middle aged guy was freaking out and gave me his shirt to stop the blood while he was calling my mom. It was precisely because he was thinking so little of himself, that he gave me his shirt.

Of Zerg and Protoss: Or, Why Jesus Came to Die

So today in church, we were singing about how Jesus died for us. How He paid it all, how sin had left a crimson stain, and He washed it white as snow.

And I was thinking about StarCraft 1 and Brood War, how Jim's friend Sarah gets infested and turned into a Zerg queen. And in StarCraft 2: Wings of Liberty, how Jim cares so much more about Sarah being unzerged, than if he dies in the attempt.

What Zerg are like...what Jim had to fight on their homeworld, Char

 How he fights his way into the mouth of Hell (Char) and faces swarms of Zerg, faces Zerged Sarah (Queen of Blades) mocking him how she's going to kill/infest him, all for the slimmest crazy chance that she might be uninfested, made her true self again.

Sarah Kerrigan, Zerged, or "Queen of Blades"

And how in the antithetical (and shoddy) sequel StarCraft 2: Heart of the Swarm, all of a sudden zerg-infestation is supposed to be fine (sweeping the 8 billion deaths, atrocities, and people going mad from horror under the rug) and dandy, and ol' judgmental Jim just has to learn to embrace the Zerg or he's not being nice to Sarah.That he has to accept her Zerged self, or he's rejecting her.

And I was muttering to myself, of how antithetical Heart of the Swarm was to Wings of Liberty (and StarCraft 1 and Brood War...).
How in Wings of Liberty, Jim absolutely hates the Zerg, how he hates what Sarah has done as Queen of Blades (he grieves over the 8 billion people she killed, plus some of his friends), and yet, he loves Sarah. He carries around her picture of her before she was Zerged, and throws his life away on the slimmest unproven glimmer of a chance, that she can be purified, and made herself again.

And I was thinking, how the refusal to see a distinction between the sin/disease and the person/true self/soul, is a very common malady in our culture. The example that came to mind, is how gay friends tell you that in not accepting their lifestyle, you aren't accepting them. To condemn their lifestyle, is to be hateful, is to be personally reject them. If you love them, the only option is to accept homosexuality as fine and say nothing's wrong. Even if you know it's hurting them.

And then, as we sang how Jesus died to save us from our sins, it hit me.

Homosexuality is not something I struggle with, and so it seemed so clear to me how hating the sin is not hating the person who struggles with it.
But what about the multitude of my own sins? I minimize them. I think its not such a big deal. I resent God for insisting my sin has such colossal magnitude, for being so demanding in setting such a high price for their forgiveness, but hey, at least He was willing to pay for it. Um, Okay God, I guess my sin deserved death and hell and all. Whatever you want, name the price. At least I'm off the hook now, with your crucifixion and all....

I don't really see my sins for the horror of what they truly are.

When we say "Jesus died to save us from God's eternal punishment of Hell" or "Jesus died to satisfy the wrath of God" we miss the point, we only see the half, and that the lesser half.

It is infinitely preferable to be nuked by the quarantining Protoss (they purge infected worlds), than to be infested by Zerg.

The purging Protoss, they try to quarantine the Zerg virus

The first stages of Zerg infestation

 Jesus didn't so much come to make sure the mean ol' Protoss don't nuke us. He came to save us from Zergness. From infestation. From sin. 

 I get that Zerg infestation is horrific. It makes my soul shudder. Not so much for what they look like---they get mutated more and more into monsters--- but for what they do while infested---slaves to obeying the Overmind/Queen of Blades, killing and destroying life, infecting other humans.

Sin (my sin!) is like Zerg Infestation. Its really that gross. That soul eating. That mind-twisting. That diabolical. That horrific. And only Jesus, only God, really sees it to the depth of what it is, sees and feels the horror of what it is. Knows what it is, as only his uninfected eyes can truly see.


First, He made Himself unpopular, by telling us we got issues.

 I like being Zerg. You've got a problem with that?! (Kerrigan, zerged, Brood War)

 

And Jesus came here. To our world, to people like us, who didn't think there was that much of a problem with it, Isn't God a bit harsh in the Law, meting out death for bowing to a little idol, alternate sexual choices, cheating on your wife, and hitting your Dad? Hey Jesus, why are you making such a big deal with lust and money and all? And why are you getting rid of easy divorce?! If this is how strict you're gonna be, its better not to get married...If my hand causes me to sin, cut it off?!? Sheesh. Jesus, you're so...high-strung about all this.


And he felt the abomination of it all as only the Protoss feel the horror of the Zerg-infestation, as only one with such clear uninfected, all knowing, pure eyes could see it. He saw it, he felt it, for what it was.

And He took that sickness, that makes his soul shudder in horror and wrath....

And He took it on Himself.

He who knew no sin, became sin for us.
He bore our transgressions.
Took the unclean thing upon Himself, bearing the full weight of its horror, and then died as the sacrifice.

So that His blood could un-Zerg us.

So that we could be our true selves again. The way He meant for us to be.

Sarah Kerrigan's true self, Jim's picture.

Till Death Do Us Part...or Not. The Affair Clause, True Love, and Christian Marriage

What is marriage? Is it a contract, a mutual agreement to mutual benefit? A finding of one's other half, one's soulmate, the love of one's life?


I was scarred for life, watching "Spanglish" as a 14 yr old. Its a story about an immigrant from Mexico, who comes to nanny for a wealthy American family (2 kids and a grandma, Dad is a chef, Mom is obsessed with health and exercise).

Never show this at some self-proclaimed "Youth Retreat."
Trust me, it will just scar the kids....

The Dad is frustrated with the Mom's constant nagging of the kids to lose weight, her obsessions, her insensitivity to her kids, and her general selfishness.
In the course of the movie, the Dad starts having feelings for the nanny who lovingly takes care of his kids.
 He even complains to the nanny about his wife. But what am I saying? Ofcourse it was all so sweet and nice and wistful, because goshdarnit, he just didn't have grounds to divorce his selfish wife.

(Sidenote, so everything in me was screaming here, a somewhat clueless foreign single-mom poor working woman struggling with English and her employer...yeah definitely a power differential there...But even sweeping that under the rug, it stinks. And here's why.)

Then his wife had an affair, and amid sadness....oh the glee. I felt it, the subtle glee. The 'get out of jail free' card. The freedom to now pursue that true love of your life....

It was the glee that disturbed me. Even if it were subtle and small amid crushing grief (I really can't remember what the ratios were, as I was in and out at that point, it was so bad). Even the smallest amount of relief, relief that now you have reason to love someone else (someone a lot kinder and sweeter and nicer)---mixed in whatever sorrow or betrayal he felt, totally smelled 'off'. Something was horribly, horribly wrong.

Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable and does not count up wrongdoing, it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth.   


I never really got the second part. The first part made sense "does not count up wrongdoing", we all keep lists in our minds, of what someone's done to hurt us. Holding on to it in pain or wrath. But why would we rejoice at being hurt? Here is an example, because it finally gives us the right to say "Alright, this really was it, you crossed the big red line, I'm out"

So that glee was disturbing. Really disturbing. But even taking that glee out, there still is more wrong with this.

It didn't hit home to me until watching an episode of Downtown Abbey.

Anna and Mr. Bates, the happy couple

Mr. Bates has an estranged marriage to Vera, a woman who the show assures us, has not been faithful to him. And then there's pretty little sensible Anna.
And they fall in love!
And his first wife stank anyway, plus she's estranged anyhow.
And then Mr. Bates and Anna get engaged!
And his first wife who stank anyhow kills herself. Oh no! Now everyone thinks Mr. Bates did it? And Anna, in a heroic act of love, marries him just before he's jailed, so that she can be his next of kin at the trial. And they have a quick little wedding, in which she vows to love him forever till death do them part. And they wake up happily after their wedding night, in love. And then he gets hauled off to jail.
I think we are all supposed to be thinking how sweet it is, and about how unconditionally she loves him and all.


I was roaring mad. Ok, here, no glee. But still.

Vera may have cheated on him, and been a total flake, and killed herself. But she was still his wife. And he's happily got engaged to the cuter, nicer, moral-er, kinder girl. And when she killed herself, now a great barrier has thrown itself against True Love, but True Love shall prevail.
Right.

Till death do us part.

Unless you screw up and cheat on me, then I'm out.

Right.

I've always hated how unpoetically the world explained marriage.
A contract of mutual benefit, of mutual emotional feedback (I'm in love with you, you're in love with me), of financial, sexual, friendship benefit. The anti-marriage types mocked it for that.

You say its so holy and special, but really, its all a deal. He gives her social status/income/backrubs, she gives him sex/babies/clean house/cute armcandy.

No no! (Some) Feminists cry, they are equals now, the patrimony has passed. They balance things, with their 2 careers and their mutual respect and mutual sexual benefit. It's so mutual and rational and chosen!

But that's still a contract. A better organized one, but still, its a contract.  My end of the deal, your end of the deal. You hold up your end, I'll hold up mine. We both benefit.

No no! The romantics cry, they are IN LOVE. They love each other. Its love that is so important, and beautiful, and makes the world work. Love will climb the highest mountain. Walk 10,000  miles to be the man who falls down at your door....

But its still a contract (albeit an implicit one). They're in love. Its easy to sacrifice for someone you are in love with. In love-ness passes. I have heard women say "I had to leave x, we weren't in love anymore".  To still maintain the now-dead union would be 'living a lie'. So it still is about give and take, profit and loss. He's in love with her, she's in love with him. If one side dries up, we either get romantic comedies about rekindling the fire (and thus justify the union) or we get a divorce, and find a new person the real 'love of your life' that kindles the right emotions, the true soul-mate whom you were really meant to be with forever....


If marriage is a contract, a contract where each person supplies their bit, and if the other party doesn't cut it as promised, well its over. And we are free to look for the real love of our lives...

It boils down to profit and loss. You give your bit, I'll give mine. Marriage may talk about love, but it's really love for self. If self isn't loved right by the other, than the other is toast. Love is selfish, is Darwinian, is about propagation of the genes and ego-stroking. Its all about feeling fulfilled, getting your half of the pie. Its no better than cohabiting or anything else that people want. Its a social construct.

No no! The Christians cry, GOD HAS JOINED THEM TOGETHER, ITS HOLY, ITS SPECIAL!

We say, its not just about getting your half of the pie. It's about dying to yourself. It's about God making two one flesh. It's about God using this other person to refine and purify you and make you holy. It's sacramental. It's till death do us part. It's about being companions on the road to the New Jerusalem. Its holy, its beautiful, its something big and irrevocable and ordained by God. We have our wedding services, with Scripture readings and prayers and eternal vows before God, swearing before witnesses to love "Till death do us part."


But then there's divorce.

I have heard some Christians say that a husband's refusal to get a job qualifies as "financial abandonment" and the wife is free to get a divorce and remarry. I have heard some Christians argue that if a husband looks at porn, his wife is free to divorce and remarry. I have heard some Christians argue, that if we look back and realize that one of the parties didn't REALLY mean it, then we are free to say the marriage never happened, and divorce and remarry....

But I'm going to put those all aside for now, as the empty justifications that they are.

What about the 'affair clause', the one exception in the New Testament? I have yet to meet a church that denied the validity of that escape hatch, that loophole.

Adultery is a betrayal of the deepest kind. I am not at all surprised it often ends in vengeful spouses and murder. I totally get that.

 And I can see a case made for separation.

But for remarriage? The nevermind-it-doesn't-count-anymore, he's had sex with someone else, feel free to find a better man to marry, to love, and to have sex with....


And Christian marriage can be tainted. It still has such higher standards than the world's definition of marriage. She still has to love him if he's insane or poor or immature, and she no longer has feelings for him. But then, it's still a contract. If one party commits sexual sin, then it dissolves. Feel free to move on. It doesn't count anymore.
The affair clause boils down to "don't worry, he had grounds for a divorce", he had every right to move on. We can be happy that Mr Bates and Anna found true love.

If we're being honest with ourselves, we should then swear "Till death (or adultery) do us part"....

Because swearing "till death do us part", swearing the irrevocable promise of self sacrificial love is saying marriage is more than a contract. It's saying marriage is something holy and irrevocable and permanent. But with the affair clause, its only irrevocable and permanent if you hold up your end of the deal (not committing adultery). If the other breaks it, then it dissolves, you 'have a right' to move on with someone else, its over.

Yes, Matthew 5 is in the Bible.
“It was also said, ‘Whoever divorces his wife, let him give her a certificate of divorce.’But I say to you that everyone who divorces his wife, except on the ground of sexual immorality, makes her commit adultery, and whoever marries a divorced woman commits adultery.


But so is Ephesians 5.
 Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish.


The Bible tells a tale, of how a Holy God loved an unholy people. He saved them, he purified them, put them in a land flowing with milk and honey. And he made a covenant with them. A contract. They were to have no other gods, and He was to be their God. They would be His people, and He would be their God.
And they betrayed him. And they went after other gods. And they forgot Him, wanted nothing to do with Him. And they sacrificed their sons and daughters to demons.
They had broken the covenant. They had dissolved the contract. And now, all that was left was the punishment they were due.
And He came. He came to the land He had given them. And found his lost Bride, who had betrayed Him. And He took her place, he took the punishment. And died for her.
And He bound himself to her in a new covenant, a covenant sealed with His blood. And he carries her and purifies her, till the day that he brings her home, clean, pure, spotless of all her betrayals, holy and beautiful at the great wedding feast of the Lamb.

That is how Christ loved the church. That is how we are to love one another. That is what marriage is was designed to mirror, this great and holy mystery of Christ's love for His bride.

Why Timothy Zahn understands women and Michael Stackpole does not OR Why only Zahn's Star Wars Books Should Be Canon

So, after sneering at the Star Wars books my whole life as pulp fiction, then being pleasantly surprised by the gripping Thrawn Trilogy and Hand of Thrawn duo, I boldly sallied forth to the "Sci Fi" section of the used bookstore. It was a bewildering place, full of garishly colored covers with strange aliens and melodramatic titles, all on those small fat volumes that I had spent most of my life avoiding. But my husband's birthday was in a few days, and with the best bits of the Thrawn books still ringing in my ears, I looked at  the section with new respect, thinking what deep questions or compelling characters lay buried behind those garish paperbacks.
I bought him the first 3 books of the "Exciting New (in '96) X-Wing Series!", its cover illustrations glam shots of X wings, Tie fighters, and space stations, downright respectable looking.

Well.

It made me realize how much Zahn really understood women, and (cough, cough) The Universe (because we're just that important).

So, Zahn understands how women tick. He knows they want respect, and more importantly, what kind of respect.

He knows what they find attractive in a guy. And what behaviour impresses them, especially even after he's let you down.

He knows how they feel about their honor, past relationships, children, and loyalty.  He knows how they want to seem, how they want to be portrayed, and especially how they fight (with guys).

And Stackpole...well....almost all the characters feel very flat. The drama is somewhat high-schoolerish. The badguys cackle melodramatically (kinda). The goodguys are of the "I'll never surrender to you, Duku!" variety. And the women......
In the very first book "Rogue Squadron" the main girl finds herself thinking the main boy is awesome, despite not wanting to, because his dad did something mean to her dad. Oh the romantic tension! Very standard so far, girl with mixed feelings for guy, what is she to do?

Mara's (ala Zahn) solution:
Beat him up or try to kill him or avoid him

Mirax's (ala Stackpole) solution.
Hit on him, to try to hook up with him, so she'll despise him, so she won't think he's awesome, so she remains loyal to her Dad in not liking this guy.

I humbly suggest this as the new cover to Rogue Squadron.

And in the meantime, I declare only Zahn's books to be Star Wars Canon for books.

Zahn's star wars books were infinitely superior.  First off, his characters operated in a world that felt like, well, a world with old people, and kids, and convoluted mid-life crises grownups, and young people, etc. Stackpole's world feels like a perpetual high school world, populated only by high schoolers.
Secondly,  HIS WOMEN ACTED LIKE REAL WOMEN. They think, fight, and show their loyalty, like real women. And best of all, they're kinda awesome. And they don't throw themselves at guys in convoluted logic circles to make themselves not like them. And the guys that like them actually respect them, a lot. And the women also have awesome ninja skills, which they don't use to wantonly kill, but to protect those they are fiercely loyal to, like she-bears.
Thirdly, there is a moral structure to the universe. It's implied. You see stable marriages. You see a husband holding his wife while she's going through labor. You see farmers getting in TIE fighters to defend their homes, you see the hero fight like a teenager and then humbly apologize, you see the bitterness that tears apart worlds when race crimes are not forgiven, you see people bothered by sketchy pasts, you see a middle aged man trying to make things right with his octogenarian mentor, and you see a woman looking through the dysfunctions of her friend-turned-assassin and choose to love and choose to forgive. Its a moral universe that feels real. That has real repurcussions to things. In which dying to yourself, and protecting the weak, and repenting of pride, and forgiveness is the only way to peace.

It is a world which has a sky.

5 Things That Make Me Happy

Things that make me happy.

#1
 Memories of climbing this mountain, looking like a Lord of the Rings set. Seriously, God didn't have to make these obscure harsh places of the world so beautiful, but he did. (Independence Pass, CO)

Was there a couple weeks ago. Sniff. It was so beautiful.

#2
Clouds. Especially clouds catching the light.

I took this out of a car window, a car that was moving. Thus the blurriness....

#3
 Isaiah wearing big floppy hats (he usually prefers baseball caps, backwards)

 #4
 My Medieval-Inspired Tunic I made, that makes me feel AWESOME. Like Shada D'ukal. Or someone from Lord of the Rings. Or someone just awesome. Its actually quite simple to make, is easy to nurse in, and makes the wearer feel awesome. Tutorial coming soon. (Josh told me I looked like his idea of a girl Jedi in it :) Most romantic husband ever!)

Ignore the weird face. But the picture shows the tunic well.

#5 These people being happy. They started out with a dream and sheer Chutzpah. Doing impossible things, because they were too young to realize it, and so they did them anyway....
 I love them for it.

Burns Family Studios evidently watching a stunt http://beyondthemaskmovie.com/site/2012/uncategorized/day-47/

#6

JOSH CAUGHT ON (MY) CAMERA SMILING!!!!

Seriously, this is a rare rare rare event. He hates cameras, and makes a Classic Josh Why-are-you-ruining-this-moment-with-a-camera face, modeled in 99.9% of all the pictures that I have of him. Which is very distorted impression for posterity, since he only makes that face for cameras. So I slyly took this picture while he was talking to Micah. It pleases me muchly :)