The Foundations of Female Attraction

 I wrote this for my teenage son, who is now very curious how to impress girls. Right now it mostly seems to involve fantasies of building massive muscles and strategically losing your shirt so she'll notice. 

So I felt the need to clue him in on what actually impresses the female half of the population. I put this up here in case it is useful for anyone else clueless how to impress a woman.

Foundations of Female Attraction

 LEVEL 1: Faith in Something greater than himself. Having Convictions, Principles and the Courage to act on those convictions----The girl is picking her LEADER. If he doesn’t know where he’s going or what he’s doing, or what he believes in---she’s not going to want to follow. It would be like you signing up for an army you have no idea for what country or what rules they follow or what religion.

2.       LEVEL 2: Mental Discipline. You must master yourself. A girl wants to know you have mastered your emotions and your anger. So that you are in charge, not your emotions. That she is obeying you, not your whims. Also that you work hard, can push yourself to do hard things. She wants to know you have mastered yourself, so she knows she she can trust you with herself and your future kids. 

3.       LEVEL 3: Kind to the weak. Having strength, but not being a bully, but a protector of the helpless. This is huge. How a man treats those who cannot reward him. Not in how he treats the boss, but the old penniless lady. Small children. Protects the weak and does not prey on them. Unselfish. Fearing God. Knowing that strength was given to him, as a trust. With great power comes great responsibility. In attractiveness: Spiderman > thug.

4.      LEVEL 4: Comportment & Posture. How you carry yourself in relation to the world. Slouching aristocrat or an alert soldier? This is self defence 101. Who do thugs choose to jump in parking lots?[link here] For most people, it is subconscious. People will decide what you are, who you are. It's how you know someone is ex-military. It's one of the factors when girls swoon for men after they go through bootcamp. Often their physique actually hasn't changed that much---but their comportment has. Soldiers hold themselves like they know what they are doing---like they are men. With a purpose. And know that they are a force to be reckoned with. Criminals aren't the only ones who notice your posture.

5.      LEVEL 5: Hygiene. Be considerate of not grossing people out. Girls are even  more grossed out than boys. They have been guardians of the home for millennia and lost children to disease. FIGHT NURGLE. Wash your hands, don’t pick your nose. Don’t make weird scraping sounds with phlegm in your throat like you’re dying of whooping cough. Blow your nose with proper form, and wash hands afterwards. Smell NOT-BAD. (really, Axe, stinks. It's a triumph of modern marketing that young men still think it works)

a.       Breath---xylitol after meals. Brush teeth, floss, ACT

b.       Underarm, vinegar, deodorant. Change clothes every day

c.      !!!! If you work out or labor or sweat---shower. Rancid sweat smell is like a dead animal. (usually only gets to that point several days in, I think based on my memories of my little brother)

d.       Scalp Care [Scalp wash routine, Vinegar rinse, keep dandruff away]

6.       LEVEL 6: Physique. Having muscles, looking strong enough to protect her and your future kids, is a definite plus. Having good posture (level 4) really helps maximize this. That is, a skinnier man who stands with good posture looks better than a slouching muscular guy. Girls in general aren't as impressed by strength just existing, as strength with purpose. Important note! While having a good physique is a plus, a man who is constantly taking selfies of his abs is a major turn-off for a lot of women. A girl wants you to want to look at her, not the mirror! Narcissus and Echo did not go well.

7.       LEVEL 7: Style. Hairstyle--- keep it relatively short (obviously male) and out of your eyes. Hair Gel can help. Clothing---Pick clothing that flatters you, AND sends the message you want. [e.g. medieval, loves certain movie, etc]

        Girls aren't irrational after all. These foundations of attraction really all boil down to---will he be man enough to protect me and our children, and man enough to love me and our children even when its hard.

She's signing up to follow you, after all. It's like signing up for the marines, but for your whole life, and to follow a specific sergeant till you die. You want to make sure that commander is up to snuff before you swear on.

And coming back to "Level 1" and why it is the foundation of everything else. She needs to know this sergeant is following the same General. 

And even when storms come, and when you fail, she needs to know that you will be man enough to repent, and turn to follow your God even through suffering.

Sunscreen Woes: Protecting my little Melanin-challenged Children from the Sun

White people are really fragile mutants from the far poles. Now that they have ventured from their dim polar homelands into the rest of the world bombarded with solar energy, precautions must be taken. They do not have 'white' pigment. Their "whiteness" is simply the lack of melanin, or in our modern kind-speak they are 'melanin-challenged'. 

Their melanin-challenged skin is not able to properly shield their DNA from the blast of our star's cosmic rays.

Obedient hat-wearing child, yet unburnt            Hat-hurling child who burnt toasty pink     

I must protect my little white mutants from the Sun.

Even in chilly October, the UV got to 6/7. Normally we are inside 11-3, so I forget how real this is. Little Irene burned even with her hat on 50% if the time, and slathered in sunscreen. I trusted in my 11% mineral sunscreen, and like the reed of Egypt, it splintered in my hand.

It was a nice sunscreen, Banana Boat Mineral sport. It had a runnier texture, but was still a little greasy, from an older formulation. I think maybe two years old? Only 7 months expired. I have used sunscreens much more expired than that which worked. Alas, I think this particular tube had been left in the hot car at some point earlier. It smelled and felt perfectly fine. But despite slathering my protesting offspring in it, little Irene the hat-hurler's crisped all pink, and my face (we ran out of hats, I knew my duty as mother and went without) burned pink and it was painful when putting on my lotion the next day. 

Things learned/Rules for Sunscreening my mutants.

1. Even mineral sunscreen can get less efficacious if left in the hot car too long. The heat may mess with the suspension of the zinc & titanium dioxide particles, letting them clump up more, thus creating more of a 'net' than a shield. (like in home-made sunscreens having a fraction of the SPF of the commercially mixed ones), 
2. Only get 18% + zinc oxide sunscreens. I am disappointed with this 11% stuff that relies on its suspension so much. The more the better. Also, Zinc protects better in the UVA region than Titanium.
3. Use the FRESH, JUST-BOUGHT sunscreen for camping & hikes. THAT IS WHEN IT MATTERS MOST. If I have old stockpiled stuff, use that for day to day homeschool days when it is only needed for non-peak hours.
4. Runnier textured sunscreens (that Jenny loves) only buy fresh (never more than six-months supply) and store extras in a cool dark place. [NEVER leave them in the car, even once. If going to the pool, bring them along in your purse and keep in the shade]
5. Kids under 5 shed their hats at every opportunity...so slather on the sunscreen. And keep training them to wear their hats!

Thoughts on Beauty and Clothing as I become an Old Lady

 On the eve of my 37th birthday, I'm thinking about this. 

Hopefully, a little early.*

When we age we are still beautiful. But the beauty changes. Not in the attractive/possibility-of-bearing-life/sexual being sort of way. But still beautiful--but transmuted.

No longer-----a princess, ready for her adventure story--full of possibility, desire, and potential, an unlined face, fresh with newness. Facing a life. Springtime.

But instead----a queen-----who has lived, seen, suffered, and is still doing her part to uphold good in the world. The Autumn of her life, facing the Winter, awaiting the eternal Spring that will come.

Shift from-----unstained beauty. Possibility. Potential. Future. Alluring. Begetting. Flowering

Shift to--->weathered beauty. History. A face lined with testament of the light of a thousand worlds, in struggles fought, lost or won. Standing. Still standing. Doing her part, standing at the pass. And awaiting the final ending of the world.

"Ideals to Strive For" e.g. "Fashion Icons"

1. Tangle, the girl in the Golden Key, at the end, when she is waiting for the boy Mossy at the gate at the end, and has long silver hair and a face covered in wrinkles, waiting by the door, in hope.
2. Kanaan's Jedi mentor Depa Billaba from Greg Weisman's comic. If she had gotten to be as old as the Jedi Librarian [name]. How I imagine she would have been. Sitting up tall, silver hair, flowing robes, stately. Kind to children.
3. Irene's grandma in the Princess and the Goblin. [although this is slightly cheating since she didn't have wrinkles, just fabulous silver hair and immortality...] OK, so Irene's grandma IF SHE had been more mortal. 
4. Old medieval queen, who has been though a lot. [wars, grief, etc], standing tall, waiting in hope for the return of the Hero, bringing back her lost husband and sons. St Margaret in her old age.
5. Old Ma Ingalls.
6. Old Ranger in Arnor, who knows the paths, tracking a trail, listening for signals, knows the coming of the dawn---but the female version. Going to have to find a story with this---or write one myself---or flesh it out in reality.
7. Candy Grandma at church. White haired old woman wheel-chair-bound, handing out gummi worms to all the children. Always smiling, emanating joy. Very cheerful. She put evangelistic bumper stickers on the back of her wheelchair. She always seems to be overflowing with joy. Kids line up and she gives them 2 gummi worms each. I've seen her give them to awkward but still sugar-desiring teenagers. She doesn't make anyone feel guilty, or sorry for her. Radiantly smiling. Overflowing with kindness and happiness, and love for the little mercenary young ones seeing her as a sugar-dispenser. She just loves everyone. After you leave her presence you remember a smiling face with bright eyes and curly white hair.
8. Mother Teresa. She was so beautiful. Bright eyes in a dear wrinkled face. Smiling in joy at the children, she refracted their beauty to what we could see---like a crystal splitting the light to many colors.

Try to be beautiful as long as possible, wear my hair down, as it things, probably armpit/shoulder-length, curled/permed, and pin it on the sides for side-volume. Or just in the elven-style. Then when I have enough wrinkles I want to go grey/silver, and wear my hair long, in two long silvery braids. If my hair gets too thin for this, I shall have to keep it armpit/shoulderlength in a half-up. 

Stand and sit up like a queen. Straight as I can. Work out as much as I can, to keep posture, and my ability to be strong as I can, to walk.

Wear classically beautiful sillhouette, still feminine, but stately. Womanly, old, queenly. 

Long Fit-flared dresses, now with high mandarin collars. If the dress has a scoop neck, wear a white-mandarin collar beneath it. Still wear Dirndls with white blouses, my grey-white hair wrapped in a crown braid. Prairie school-marm fit and flared dresses. Something Ma Ingalls would have worn. And medieval gothic fitted dresses, with a white under-blouse, or a high neck.

Wear make-up, not overdone. Eyebrows are a must on me. Probably blush will be too, as I age. 

And always smile. Encourage the young people, that life is worth it. That despite all the disappointments and pain in life, it is worth it.

 There is Joy on the other side.

And we will get through the night, and make it through to the Other Side.

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*[I hope to be able to pull off my current fashion sense of DunedainMom/Ranger-woman, and feminine/pretty/dirndl/medieval for another decade, or decade and a half. I hope. Really hoping my body doesn't hit menopause till 54, like my mommy, despite having lost my uterus. Alas. Imma get it back on the day of Resurrection. I asked Jesus to find it, and give it back to me. I know I won't be using it in the New Heavens and the New Earth...but it was part of me my whole life, and I want it back, in whatever glorified state it may be. If medieval paintings have the various body parts of hapless sailors being coughed up by sea-monsteres, and coming back together again, to stand at the last judgment----it stands to reason I get my uterus back from whatever biohazard dump it was lost in.]