The Foundations of Female Attraction

 I wrote this for my teenage son, who is now very curious how to impress girls. Right now it mostly seems to involve fantasies of building massive muscles and strategically losing your shirt so she'll notice. 

So I felt the need to clue him in on what actually impresses the female half of the population. I put this up here in case it is useful for anyone else clueless how to impress a woman.

Foundations of Female Attraction

 LEVEL 1: Faith in Something greater than himself. Having Convictions, Principles and the Courage to act on those convictions----The girl is picking her LEADER. If he doesn’t know where he’s going or what he’s doing, or what he believes in---she’s not going to want to follow. It would be like you signing up for an army you have no idea for what country or what rules they follow or what religion.

2.       LEVEL 2: Mental Discipline. You must master yourself. A girl wants to know you have mastered your emotions and your anger. So that you are in charge, not your emotions. That she is obeying you, not your whims. Also that you work hard, can push yourself to do hard things. She wants to know you have mastered yourself, so she knows she she can trust you with herself and your future kids. 

3.       LEVEL 3: Kind to the weak. Having strength, but not being a bully, but a protector of the helpless. This is huge. How a man treats those who cannot reward him. Not in how he treats the boss, but the old penniless lady. Small children. Protects the weak and does not prey on them. Unselfish. Fearing God. Knowing that strength was given to him, as a trust. With great power comes great responsibility. In attractiveness: Spiderman > thug.

4.      LEVEL 4: Comportment & Posture. How you carry yourself in relation to the world. Slouching aristocrat or an alert soldier? This is self defence 101. Who do thugs choose to jump in parking lots?[link here] For most people, it is subconscious. People will decide what you are, who you are. It's how you know someone is ex-military. It's one of the factors when girls swoon for men after they go through bootcamp. Often their physique actually hasn't changed that much---but their comportment has. Soldiers hold themselves like they know what they are doing---like they are men. With a purpose. And know that they are a force to be reckoned with. Criminals aren't the only ones who notice your posture.

5.      LEVEL 5: Hygiene. Be considerate of not grossing people out. Girls are even  more grossed out than boys. They have been guardians of the home for millennia and lost children to disease. FIGHT NURGLE. Wash your hands, don’t pick your nose. Don’t make weird scraping sounds with phlegm in your throat like you’re dying of whooping cough. Blow your nose with proper form, and wash hands afterwards. Smell NOT-BAD. (really, Axe, stinks. It's a triumph of modern marketing that young men still think it works)

a.       Breath---xylitol after meals. Brush teeth, floss, ACT

b.       Underarm, vinegar, deodorant. Change clothes every day

c.      !!!! If you work out or labor or sweat---shower. Rancid sweat smell is like a dead animal. (usually only gets to that point several days in, I think based on my memories of my little brother)

d.       Scalp Care [Scalp wash routine, Vinegar rinse, keep dandruff away]

6.       LEVEL 6: Physique. Having muscles, looking strong enough to protect her and your future kids, is a definite plus. Having good posture (level 4) really helps maximize this. That is, a skinnier man who stands with good posture looks better than a slouching muscular guy. Girls in general aren't as impressed by strength just existing, as strength with purpose. Important note! While having a good physique is a plus, a man who is constantly taking selfies of his abs is a major turn-off for a lot of women. A girl wants you to want to look at her, not the mirror! Narcissus and Echo did not go well.

7.       LEVEL 7: Style. Hairstyle--- keep it relatively short (obviously male) and out of your eyes. Hair Gel can help. Clothing---Pick clothing that flatters you, AND sends the message you want. [e.g. medieval, loves certain movie, etc]

        Girls aren't irrational after all. These foundations of attraction really all boil down to---will he be man enough to protect me and our children, and man enough to love me and our children even when its hard.

She's signing up to follow you, after all. It's like signing up for the marines, but for your whole life, and to follow a specific sergeant till you die. You want to make sure that commander is up to snuff before you swear on.

And coming back to "Level 1" and why it is the foundation of everything else. She needs to know this sergeant is following the same General. 

And even when storms come, and when you fail, she needs to know that you will and man enough to repent, and turn to follow your God even through suffering.

Sunscreen Woes: Protecting my little Melanin-challenged Children from the Sun

White people are really fragile mutants from the far poles. Now that they have ventured from their dim polar homelands into the rest of the world bombarded with solar energy, precautions must be taken. They do not have 'white' pigment. Their "whiteness" is simply the lack of melanin, or in our modern kind-speak they are 'melanin-challenged'. 

Their melanin-challenged skin is not able to properly shield their DNA from the blast of our star's cosmic rays.

Obedient hat-wearing child, yet unburnt            Hat-hurling child who burnt toasty pink     

I must protect my little white mutants from the Sun.

Even in chilly October, the UV got to 6/7. Normally we are inside 11-3, so I forget how real this is. Little Irene burned even with her hat on 50% if the time, and slathered in sunscreen. I trusted in my 11% mineral sunscreen, and like the reed of Egypt, it splintered in my hand.

It was a nice sunscreen, Banana Boat Mineral sport. It had a runnier texture, but was still a little greasy, from an older formulation. I think maybe two years old? Only 7 months expired. I have used sunscreens much more expired than that which worked. Alas, I think this particular tube had been left in the hot car at some point earlier. It smelled and felt perfectly fine. But despite slathering my protesting offspring in it, little Irene the hat-hurler's crisped all pink, and my face (we ran out of hats, I knew my duty as mother and went without) burned pink and it was painful when putting on my lotion the next day. 

Things learned/Rules for Sunscreening my mutants.

1. Even mineral sunscreen can get less efficacious if left in the hot car too long. The heat may mess with the suspension of the zinc & titanium dioxide particles, letting them clump up more, thus creating more of a 'net' than a shield. (like in home-made sunscreens having a fraction of the SPF of the commercially mixed ones), 
2. Only get 18% + zinc oxide sunscreens. I am disappointed with this 11% stuff that relies on its suspension so much. The more the better. Also, Zinc protects better in the UVA region than Titanium.
3. Use the FRESH, JUST-BOUGHT sunscreen for camping & hikes. THAT IS WHEN IT MATTERS MOST. If I have old stockpiled stuff, use that for day to day homeschool days when it is only needed for non-peak hours.
4. Runnier textured sunscreens (that Jenny loves) only buy fresh (never more than six-months supply) and store extras in a cool dark place. [NEVER leave them in the car, even once. If going to the pool, bring them along in your purse and keep in the shade]
5. Kids under 5 shed their hats at every opportunity...so slather on the sunscreen. And keep training them to wear their hats!

Hiking with Children: Strategies for Success

Tip #1

Bring Candy, but only dispense it during the hike. Or it will not work. It doesn't have to be candy, but it has to be special. [dried cranberries, cookies, strawberries] It needs to be a triumphant snack to ceremoniously eat at landmarks (Keep marshmallows for general camping, roasted over the fire. We promise 3-4 marshmellows per kid, that can be revoked one at a time for bad behavior, and reinstated for good behavior)

Food helps everything. Trailmix, little sandwiches. You don't need to go crazy, someone needs to carry this stuff. Probably the 14 yr old boy, who will not complain about having to lug along extra calories

(These teens moods would have greatly benefitted from snacks.)

Tip #2

Everyone over 6 carries their own water. Buddies carry water for littles. Need comfortable water carrying.

Tip #3

Hats are a must. In addition to preventing toasted children, and skin cancer, they keep the head from heat headaches as well.

Tip #4

Buddies stick together

Tip #5

If near a creek, hike in rubber sandals and socks. Wool socks if cold. Bring extra socks. Rubber sandals dry off pretty instantaneously (unlike soggy sneakers), and the socks can be changed out with dry ones. If its cold, have them wear 2 layers of socks. The top layer being adult wool-blend socks.

Tip #6

Mom carries extra socks, toilet paper, small shovel, and pee funnel for the girls. 

Tip #7

Sing while you hike! Especially on the return, the downslope. The little ones love to sing "the road goes ever on and on." It lifted up my heart as we trudged back, and Irene and Ruhi and Ana were leading me in a rendition of it.

Tip #8 stop at the places they find fun. Sometimes we need to pause our adult "must complete this hike" mode, and remember, the whole reason we are doing this. It's for them to experience wonder. So when they have those moments, stop. Whether that's a creek, a pile of pebbles, or a big rock. 

Camping List for Cold Weather

 Applicable to Payson in October[65-70/45-41night], or the Rocky Mountains in July. Sedona in May [75day/52night]. Note: Oct 16 in Christopher Creek is 61/41. Need fleece hats for the night!!

[Temperature ranges of 70s-60s in the day, to 50s-40s at night]

Prepare yourself for complaints that this was a terrible idea, from the local child population, early in the morning, and in the cold evening.

The best antidote is hot chocolate milk, a working propane camp-stove [or even better, a rocket stove] is a must-have.

And wool socks. Adult size is fine, stuck indiscriminately onto children, pulled up like medieval hosen. And hats. They all need something keeping their ears warm. And those puffy winter coats for the mornings, and the nights.

Cold Camping List [days 61-70, nights 41-46]

Chuck Bag (Personal care) Put each category into a labeled gallon ziploc bag inside of the chuck bag. It makes it very easy to quickly find things, when the call for bandaids or hair ties goes up.

• Flashlights/Lanterns. Headlamps best for setting up camping the dark.
• Sunscreen & aloe vera gel
• Toothbrushes, Toothpaste, Xylitol mints
• Hairbrush & hair ties & hair oil
• Babywipes and Hand Sanitizer
• Bandaids, Ointment
• Allergy Meds, emergency benadryl
• Bugspray [and anti-itch cream]
• Duct tape (if the zipper gives out on a tent, a lifesaver)
• LED string lights
• Bible, Books for Daddy to read to us during the downtime in the camp
• car cell phone charger

Clothing & Kit

• Hats,  Sunglasses
• Waterbottles on belts [carabiners]
• Puffy Coats 
• Polarfleece Jackets//hoodie
• ADULT WOOL SOCKS FOR EVERYONE

• Clothes
• long sleeve shirts/tunic/dress & short sleeve shirts x # of days
• leggings x # of days
• 2 x underwear x # of days
• 2 x socks  x # of days
• 2 pairs of sweatpants or fleece pants [like over-pants, a MUST for night-time]
• !! Fleece Jacket [wear over long sleeved cotton jammy shirt]
• If there's a creek, double the clothes for little kids
• !!!If it gets down to 50s at night, polar fleece jacket and polar fleece pants for all the littles, to wear over their jammies
• Fleece hats to sleep!! (Or hoods)
• Rubber sandals
• BOOTS or sneakers

Camp

• Sleeping Bags and Pillows 
• !!!! if night gets under 52, you NEED polarfleece lining, like a sleep sack, inside of the sleeping bag PER KID. Wrap the little ones in polarfleece coats and pants inside of their sleeping bags
• Mattress Pad for Josh, and his pillows and knee pillows
• Tarps
• Tents [make sure you pack the rain flys!]
• Shade Tent
• chairs
• 2 fold up poly picnic blankets (lying down looking at the stars)
• little broom & dustpan for breaking down camp
• 2 empty gallon jugs, 5 gallon jug
• Campstove & Propane
• Branch cutter* [if no fire restriction]
• !!Rocket stove* [if no fire restriction]

Chuck Box

• Garlic salt, pepper, salt, sugar, tea
• Foil
• Ladle
• Wood flat spoon
• Metal cups for hot cocoa
• Disposable table-cloths
• Paper plates and Paper towels 
• Trashbags
• Canopener
• Firestarter and matches
• Dutch oven [foil packets are a joke] for open fire OR pan for rocket-stove
• Pot for boiling water for tea
• Mugs for cocoa and cereal
• Forks, spoons, knives
• Cutting board
• dishpan
• Shears
• parachute cord/string

Food

Day 1—lunch 1130am just before we hit the road	Left-overs
Day 1 dinner	Hamburgers/Hotdogs, bell peppers, carrot sticks
Day 2  Breakfast	Milk & cereal, apples & cheese OR Cheesy Grits,
Day 2 Lunch	Cold cut sandwiches Cold sausages from last night. Boiled eggs bell peppers, carrot sticks
Day 2 Dinner	Sausages & Potatoes and cheese [pre-cooked potatoes in Tupperware]  [[Ramen noodles + eggs]]
Day 3 Breakfast	Apples and cheese

Grocery Shopping List

1. 2 lb Cheese blocks x number of days
2. Butter or oil
3. Cooked Potatoes
4.  Onions, carrot, 
5. ketchup, mustard
6. Cereal & Milk & BOWLS/CUPS
7. !!!!cocoa
8. Tea & sugar
9. Buns
10. Bread!!
11. Cream cheese
12. Cereal
13. Marshamellows
14. Peanut Butter
15. Boiled eggs
16. Raw Eggs? [if outside temps cold enough]
17. Milk
18. Lunchmeat [freeze before]
19. !!Hot dogs & Sausages [freeze before]
20. Carrot sticks
21. Bell Peppers
22. Apples
23. Salt, Sugar,Garlic Powder
24. Ramen noodles
25. ?Grits
26. Peanuts & minimarshamellows & craisins [trailmix] OR Peanuts and cinnamon toast crunch cereal, makes a nice trailmix. Basically Peanuts + sweet thing. Half unsalted and half salted peanuts makes just the right amount of salt.
27. Savory trailmix---peanuts, pumpkin seeds (pepitas), savory chex, [garlic salt, parmesan]

Additional Tips

• First, make sure the van has enough gas! This loses 30/40 minutes "on the way" to get gas. [note: Mesa to Payson only takes 1/4 tank up. And Payson gas is cheaper]
• Group together things by type (e.g. first aid, teeth, skincare) in gallon zip lock bags inside the chuck bag. Kept all the essentials together for easy access

• Josh's very snug requirements
• 3 camping mats
• Egg crate 
• Mattress fragment
• 2 orange Coleman sleeping bags zipped together
• 2 low quality green Ozark trail sleeping bags unzipped used on top as blankets 
• Green fleece blanket
• Hat!
• H---for night clothing, loose large layers, better than tight layers!
• A night-cap [preferably a fleecy hat. Also can use a man's shirt as an improvised balaclava, face through the head-hole, arms tied around your head] It makes a world of difference.